For Sale JazzDad (the name)

JazzDad

Just Another Faceless Member
Silver Supporter
It appears I will be retiring around the middle of March. Who would like to bid on my user name?

Statistics: Joined the forum on 05AUG11, current "likes" 2,286, current posts 4,782. I also still have some unused photos for the 'longest thread'.
 

Sparky_911

Member
Gold Supporter
Who's gonna keep the "users fail.....longest thread" alive? Granted....the pics were awful but still.....
 

Jarred J.

Archive Expert
Silver Supporter
Aren't you like 20 something lol give me $1000 and half your likes then I'll take over your id ( I need to get my like count close to 1/50 vs the 1/ 100 I have now!)
 
OP
OP
JazzDad

JazzDad

Just Another Faceless Member
Silver Supporter
Amended: Probably the end of March (maybe beginning of April).

I just headed up the revamping of my department's SOPs - waiting on approval for putting them into effect. Then it's bye-bye to the ol' Jazz.
 

ProPatriaNeverPassAFault

Silver Supporter
No! No! NO! This is surely some sick ruse that only someone as nefarious as @JazzDad could conjure up. I'll bid, but purely to keep your legacy of...what you do alive. I'll only bid if I get a copy of that album that your band put out in the late 70s.

eLB after JazzDad's retirement:

 

Pete L.

Silver Supporter
Jazz, what will the girls in the office do now ??

( I know I'm going to regret asking that ;) )
 

ProPatriaNeverPassAFault

Silver Supporter
Jazz, what will the girls in the office do now ??

( I know I'm going to regret asking that ;) )
Probably breathe a collective sigh of relief.

They won't be subjected to seeing the endless stream of oddball photos that Jazz (and we) find funny anymore. They'll be relieved in many ways, but feel an emptiness as well. If The Jazz is remotely what he's like in person as he is on the forums, the office will turn their heads, expecting to hear a wisecrack or a JazzDad Unique Observation™ and only hear...silence. This will be celebrated raucously at first, but they'll come to their senses and realize that this silence is a double edged sword. Or they'll just celebrate even more. Either or. It's about 50/50.

Taking bets now on how the office will react. All bets will go towards making a life sized bust of his forum avatar to put on front of his department's headquarters.
 

ProPatriaNeverPassAFault

Silver Supporter
This photo was somehow taken from the future at the @JazzDad Retirement Parade and Community BBQ. Turnout was vibrant and emotions ranged from grief to jubilance.

The crying women are either eLB members in drag or were paid by JazzDad to act heartbroken. Likely both. The woman in the striped dress is in an utter state of shock. She's heard the news, but can't believe it. One of JazzDad's biggest fans and the founder, leader and sole member (not counting her 25 cats) of the Official JazzDad Fan Club. Immediately to her right is an older woman, trying to contain her joy. Finally, to the far left is another older woman, looking at JazzDad with scorn as his motorcade passes and he's blowing kisses to the crowd. She's thinking: "It's about time what wisecracking <CENSORED> retired. If I got another envelope full of photos of funny or strange vehicles (some Photoshopped, some real) sent from him, I was going to get my shotgun and pay him a visit."

Indeed, a day of mixed emotions. However, the food at the BBQ was supposed to be quite good. Following the parade, The Jazz was adorned with a gilded Roto-Ray on a gold neck chain. The day's festivities ended with fireworks, designed, constructed and ignited by JazzDad himself.
 

ProPatriaNeverPassAFault

Silver Supporter
You're a very, very bad boy, Jazz
Your next one is going to be cooked rare and no special sauce for you.
C'mon Pete! At least cook it to medium rare or medium! I realize that the Bubonic Special is tempting to serve, but it's Jazz! The Salmonella Special will suffice. Maybe the Typhoid Deluxe in a pinch. Anything more and we won't ever get to see him sporting his blinged-out Roto Ray! Maybe that'd be for the better; we sure as hell wouldn't want him to become a rapper as a result. Then we'd have to contend with RapMa¢kDaddyHu$tle aka. J-Diddy.

I don't even want to guess as to what's in the special sauce, either. But a good Rat Kebab is always a tasty treat. If you're living post-apocalypse, that is. Probably goes great with Deep Fried Cockroaches served with an artisanal Irradiated Spoiled Glowing Mayo Aioli! Bet you could still serve both to Millennials. All you'd have to say is "artsinal, non-GMO, fair trade, humane, free run, gluten-free rat/cockroach" and they'd devour them. Bonus points if you serve it out of a food truck.
 
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ProPatriaNeverPassAFault

Silver Supporter
Is that a Roto-Ray or a fidget spinner? I had a full sized Roto-Ray in mind. Forget Flavor Flav and that clock he wears around his neck! J-Diddy and his Roto-Ray chain is where its at.

Problem is that you'll set a trend and all of the rappers will start getting them; causing a Roto-Ray shortage as well as an epidemic of Roto Ray abuse.

You're going to need a breakout hit song in time for the summer. That and a feud. Can't be a rapper without a feud.
 

ProPatriaNeverPassAFault

Silver Supporter
He's more cooked than one of those rat kebobs. Then again have you actually listened to the lyrics from new rap songs? J-Diddy's runs circles around them.

Jazz, rappers don't flash the "Rock On" hand gesture. Better switch genres. Punk would work. Maybe add some gospel to it. IIRC, you've done that before ;). Stick with it.

Pete, better cook up a big batch of Rat-on-a-Stick™ for Jazz. Sewers breed the tastiest rats, I'm told. Looks like he'll need them. Can't have Jazz starving! He'll grow to love them. Just slather them in the special ☣ sauce! It's infectiously delicious!
 
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Pete L.

Silver Supporter
I think the organic free range field rat is the new trend. The special sauce would probably
make old Jazz sick. He strikes me as a city slicker, although he is from Texas. They eat all
kinds of strong stuff down there.
 

ProPatriaNeverPassAFault

Silver Supporter
I suspect that the special sauce would cause epidemics. The CDC and DHS are very interested in its recipe. I think that the Ruskies and Chinese are interested as well.

If the organic free range field rat becomes big, nutria rats will suddenly have a purpose besides target practice. People is Mississippi will make a fortune farming them! We don't have them in Canada IIRC, so we'll find an equivalent. We'll have to settle for boring old sewer, river and field rats. We'll perfect the peameal rat bacon (Canadian rat bacon) as well as maple rat bacon, maple candied rat bacon, maple dip rat donuts and countless other types of maple rat. A lot of the sketchier restaurants in Toronto's Chinatown likely already serve it; especially the one shut down by the Board of Health because rats were seen openly running around the place. It wasn't because the place was a health hazard; they were just raising free range rats and roaches and a few escaped. That place set the trend before it was a trend!
 

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